Yesenia's Journey in Chad, Africa
Serving as a Student Missonary through La Sierra University at Bere Adventist Hospital from August 2015 to June 2016.
"...because he has anointed me to preach the Gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted..." Luke 4:18
Devastated.
I am devastated and that is an understatement. I haven't been talk to really anyone because no one seems to understand. New mission, be happy, trust God, everything happens for a reason, don't be sad, and my favorite move on. I am sick and tired of hearing all of the above because I can't just move on. If you are reading this and have no idea what I am talking about let me explain. Vianay and I were serving as missionaries at the Bere Adventist Hospital in Chad, Africa. We had so many ideas for this coming year and we were just getting started. We wanted to go to different villages and have bible studies, villages that are illiterate and have never heard the name Jesus. We were going to teach English at the Seventh Day Adventist School next door. I wanted to start a clothing program to give out cloths to the naked children. I was just starting to get involved in the local church and its community. I became a part of my family whom I was living with while I stayed there. They fed me, gave me a roof over my head, and accepted me as part of their family, and shared the little they had with me so I could feel at home. Last Saturday (or I would like to call it, disappointment day) I had received a text from Linda our missions coordinator that she would like to speak to both Vianay and I as soon as we were together. I had just come back from teaching two villages (nondurae and casade) their Sabbath school. This Sabbath school went really well and the kids and adults who were present got involved. I was actually supposed to talk to the chief of the village of nondurae about building a church in their village (one of my dreams). I came back from my Sabbath school and waited in our SM hut at the hospital, waiting for Vianay to get back so we could talk to Linda together. I didn't think anything of it. At most I thought we had a new assignment at the hospital or Linda needed us to give an update to missions but boy was I wrong. Vianay comes back from teaching her Sabbath school and she takes a seat across from me in the SM hut. We call Linda on WhatsApp and begin to chat; it was so good to hear from her. She asked how we were doing and how was everything and we excitedly told her what we were experiencing at Bere, and the scenery and how beautiful it is there. But then things took a turn for the worst. Linda slowly and calmly said she has to tell us something very important. I will never forget the words, "girls you’re going to be evacuated from Chad." Her words cut me like a knife; I felt as if I got punched in the stomach and got all the wind knocked out of me, I even gasped for air. I exclaimed, "What?" I almost fainted and I told vianay I was about to faint and she hurried to give me salt. (Those who know me know I have a fainting history.) Linda explained how the US state department sent out an email to all volunteers in Chad asking for an evacuation because Chad was in danger of becoming dangerous. After Linda's explanation I began to sob. I just broke everything inside of me broke and I couldn't put into words how I was feeling. All I could think about was my family who I was staying with all the people there whom I've come to love and how unfair this all was. And I sat there and I cried. I cried long and hard, I don't think I've cried that hard since my first heartbreak in high school and even then I didn't cry as much as I did now. I couldn't breathe I felt like I was supplicating but I could not stop crying. I am leaving what I began to call home. Saturday, we had to leave Bere Tuesday morning and leave on a plane Wednesday. The next few days were a Rollercoaster of emotions from then on. We kept getting new information and a place to relocate everything was somewhat a big blur I couldn't really think straight. All I kept asking Linda was if we had the option to come back. There was no danger in Bere much less Chad itself nothing was happening that is why I was so frustrated and confused. Linda said we still had the option to return to Chad if the state department says yes, the GC, and doctors, if they all said yes, we could return to Chad to finish what we started. So that was the hope that kept me going the next few days. The day that conversation took place there was a lot to think about, such as where to relocate, packing, saying goodbye. That Sabbath I kept getting messages if I was ok, regarding my safety. Of course, I was ok, nothing was happening, that is what I didn't understand. We were completely safe in Bere no one was panicking, or hiding, everyone was going about their day as regular. I didn't really answer anyone, I actually haven’t talked to anyone really since then, I know they won't understand. Everyone thinks it's so easy leaving, following what "God" wants. Everyone is so sure that this was God's will. I just didn't want to hear it. No one will ever understand unless they experience the real thing. That Sabbath me, Vianay, Rachel, and Melissa (the other missionaries there with us) all decided to go swim at the hippo river. Swimming there made it hard to believe this was really happening. I also went to the river because I did not want to face my family; I did not want to reassure what they heard in church that day that I was leaving. I thought I could swim it all away. If I swam long enough, we wouldn't have to leave, but, I was wrong. I went back that evening to find my family all waiting for me under their mosquito net. I went under and sat with my little brothers and sisters, they all stared at me with very solemn looks on their faces, their eyes filled with questions. This was very unusual for my family they were so happy and laughing all the time, but this made everything harder. Finally, John, my brother who speaks and understands the most English asked me why I was leaving. I looked down at my palms opened in my crises cross position on the floor and wondered the same question. In his question I heard everything else, "you were supposed to teach English at school, start a church in nondurae, start bible studies with the youth, help us, you were supposed to help us, and now I'm leaving." John's voice with the same questions broke my train of thought I had gotten lost in. I looked him in the eye and told him, "I don't want to leave you." He looked away and asked again why. I felt as if my lungs began to collapse and I was struggling to breath. Every breath more of a struggle than the last. I explained to my family that I had to leave because I couldn't disobey the GC orders. They didn't really understand, they kept saying sorry and that Chad wasn't a bad place and I knew that. Chad is not a bad place at all. I began to cry and my family began to cry and we all just cried. At the time I didn't know where I was being relocated all I knew am I wanted to come back. As the days went by we kept getting information on the situation. Apparently this evacuation email was supposed to be sent out 3 months ago when some bombings took place in D'jamena the capital city (which is 8 hours away from Bere). Then they said this email was a government error by the US state department and that is not what the US embassy had asked for and they did not even acknowledge the ambassador of Chad to send this email. Then they said when the bombings took place in the capital, some people who worked there as missionaries etc. we're then on lock down on their compound. They could no longer serve the city or their community so they did not like that and appealed to the US embassy to have a government order so they can leave the country. But only the US state department can issue a notice such as that and so the US embassy appealed that for those people to the US state department 3 months ago. Then the US state department sends out an evacuation order which is not what the US embassy had asked for. So this whole thing is just a huge mistake. There is absolutely no civil unrest going on in Chad. I was completely safe in Bere and as I made my way to the capital to leave Chad there was absolutely no civil unrest and nothing to fear, we were the only missionaries leaving. Red Cross and other organizations thought we were crazy because we were leaving because nothing was happening in Chad. Our hands were tied especially since I am a student missionary through the GC. GC rules is if we disobey an evacuation order we are uninsured, so we had to leave even if nothing was happening in Chad. So my next few days were a rollarcoastar of emotions. The day I cried with my family I let them talk to my family in America and they loved it, I just wanted to make them happy, just one more time. The day I found out I also had to choose a place to relocate. My mind wasn't focusing I just wanted to know I could come back so I didn't care where I went, at first. The thing was we had to decide that day; I had no idea what to pick. I had options I'm Africa and options to go to the Marshall Islands. So Vianay and I picked Chuuk, I've heard it was poor but I wasn't thinking. I've never ever ever ever wanted to come and serve at the islands. I promised myself I would never come, plus it's small and I have a fear of tsunamis. But, the next morning when I changed my mind and wanted to go to Tanzania it was too late. So I was stuck and I cried again because I was now going somewhere I never wanted to go. As Tuesday came closer, the day we had to drive to the capital the fact that I was really leaving didn't seem real. I hadn't come to terms that I wouldn't hear the thunder at night anymore, thunder so loud it fills the night sky as if the voice of God could be heard. I will never hear the sound of the rain beat against my tin roof, as if it was going to make the roof collapse on me. I was not going to witness the lightening, lighting up the night sky as if someone flipped on a switch too quickly. I will no longer get to sit under the stars with my family every night as we talked and played games. I can no longer stare for long moments at the magnitude of all the stars, so close I thought I could reach up and grab one. I will no longer walk home and be greeted by my youngest brothers and sisters running to me to welcome me home. I will no longer be woken up every morning at 5:00am to the sound of Brya my eldest sister beginning to prepare breakfast by clinging the pots and pans. I will no longer hear all my siblings scream at the youngest Barthamae because he would ruin their game, but since he is the baby he will always get his way. I can no longer hear the engine of my Father Emmanuels moto as he pulled into our gate and hear all of my brothers and sister run to greet him. I will no longer be greeted by every single person I pass with a handshake and a "bonjur, sava" or "lapia." I will no longer stay awake. With my family playing games, singing songs, or listening to John laugh until he can't breathe. I will no longer see naked children anywhere and them running up to me screaming "NASARA" as I pass by. I will no longer be annoyed with all the cows blocking the road as me and papa tries to make our way on the moto to teach Sabbath school. I will no longer be proposed to by the government officials or men in the market who mean no harm and only joking. I will no longer have to sneak pictures of people trying to catch the perfect photo. I will no longer be at home. Bere, the home I came to love with all my heart. Is it wrong I wanted to stay there forever? Is it wrong that I liked their way of life better than the individualistic lifestyle I grew up in? Is it wrong that I've never seen Jesus the way I did when I was amongst these people? Now, now it's all being taken away from me at a drop of a dime. I've seen beauty I was not capable of seeing in America. I lived life and lived it more abundantly. These people taught me material things really aren’t worth anything. These people taught me life is not promised and to take advantage of every opportunity. These people taught me to appreciate family, and love. These people taught me how important it is to depend on God every single moment of every single day. These people taught me more about life in one month than I have learned in twenty years. They also taught me how important the hope of the Gospel beings they shout Maranatha. Maranatha means, "The Lord is coming." These people hang onto this hope like never before because they know what it is to have nothing and have Christ promise you everything. They cling to that hope, a hope that can't be learned in a capitalistic society which teaches you material things are everything, and a hope I was never exposed to in America where the comforts of life are at the tips of my fingers. The day I had to say goodbye to my family I cried again. I hugged each one of them as tight and as long as I could. I let the tears roll as I choked out I love you for each one. They returned in broken English I love you too. My mother Sidonee father Emmanuel, siblings John, Brya, Angriette, Abrye, Barthamae, Yagoo, James, Liba, Kumageon, they will always be my family. I hope that the evacuation status is removed so I may return to Chad this year that is my hope and prayer. But, I can't help but wonder why this all happened. The most frustrating part is I left people who are in such need, over a government mistake? I might be wrong but that is what the story is I have heard so far. Whenever I am asked why I was I evacuated, I am quickly confronted with the question, "was there civil war?" No, there was no civil war! Then why, ultimately, why did we leave? I can't answer that question. I am here in Chuuk now and Vianay and I are the only Americans here. This place is more developed than was the place in Africa and as we ate in a restaurant the first day I almost broke down. I almost broke down because there was American food and the place looked American. It was just so much stuff that I didn't have in Africa and I was just overwhelmed with emotions, I don't really know why but I hated it the restaurant and the food, I felt guilty that I can have this new luxury that wasn't accessible to me in Africa. But I didn't know how ignorant I was of the poverty of the islands. The island of Chuuk is extremely poor. Not like the poverty I've seen in Chad but a different kind of poverty. And I just thought why doesn't more people know how great the need is I'm Chuuk and in Chad? How come no one stands for those who cannot speak? How come these people are like outcast when I go back home, as if they don't exist and as if they’re not in need? How come the American Society who is so capable of changing the world, but doesn't? The need for missions and missionaries is great, greater than I've ever really understood until now. My prayer is God help the outcast.
6 Comments
irasema
9/21/2015 09:32:07 pm
I'm in tears my sweet princess, as I read this.... in tears as i read how you seen the real world around us.. a world in need of help. .Yesenia I know nothing I say will comfort your pain, your desperate need to be the voice for does in need in Chad and in now Chuuk. .
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irasema
9/21/2015 10:30:41 pm
"Typo... I meant we are all praying for you, Me Tony and Yesminn"
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Stephanie
9/22/2015 03:16:02 am
I am also in tears. What an amazing beautiful experience you had for even just a few months. You are blessed and at the same time being challenged. You have grown exponentially in the smallest amount of time. In the Bible, Joseph's experience was similar to yours/typical American teen - soft, a little spoiled, indulged. Then in one day his world was turned completely around and he found that in the destitution of abandonment and everything taken away, he found a deep well of faith and resolve to serve and honor the God of his father, Jacob. No matter the horrible years of ups and downs that followed, it never broke his resolve. In the end it all became clear and Joseph understood why he was separated from his family. You are on the journey of Joseph, Yesenia. Only God knows why but if only to strengthen your purpose in life then I would say it is working. You are being refined like pure gold. God Bless You. My prayers are with you. I hope you don't mind if I share your story with the soft, spoiled, self-indulged teens at SDA. This is a wake-up call for all to hear. As a fellow student missionary to Thailand, my heart goes out to you. God is at work. You get to be a part of it. What an honor to be chosen by Him.
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Suzanne Purdy
9/22/2015 08:10:33 am
I know this is a painful and difficult time for you right now. The "why" may not be known until heaven. You have been given insights and experiences most will never know. God sees your pain. He knows your heart. He will allow this knowledge to make your service even more effective where ever He leads. Thank you for sharing your story. I am holding you all in my prayers (and your family in Chad). I, too, want to share your story with others, Yesenia. I love Stephanie's analogy to the experience of Joseph. It is so fitting. You are being refined for calling that you may not even begin to understand at the moment. Hugs and prayers.
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kimi puen
9/22/2015 11:55:06 am
Yesenia, I was in tears as I read this and my heart goes out to you. You have seen what it is like in countries with so much need - they might need material things, but they don't lack in faith. It is amazing to see how much we can get changed by their lifestyle, too!
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Lima
10/12/2015 12:48:08 pm
Great testimony! Through our confusion and chaos, God reveals himself if we seek him. Xoxoxoxo
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CategoriesArchivs
November 2015
AuthorYesenia Sosa from San Diego,CA. I have a deep love for God and what he has done for me in my life. Because of Jesus love for me that has compelled me to show his love to others. I love my family,friends, and boyfriend Isaiah very much. I love school and I love to learn. I want to give myself in love and service, as Jesus did for me. Be blessed, never forget, you can do all things through Christ who Strengthens us. |